Monday, June 6, 2016

What an incredible night I had! I mean Holy Cow! Never have I experienced something like that. It was incredible! 

I was heartbroken last night on June 6th, 2016, because I was very lead on by a girl and starting to love her, and I find out she has a boyfriend. Right when I was very heartbroken, I turned on my favorite Star Wars movie and watched my favorite action scenes. Star Wars has always been my go to Universe when times are hard, however it only temporally relieved the pain I was dealing with. 

Then as I lay down, I send a prayer to that girl, thanking God for the time I had with her and that if there is anything good she did that changed me, it’s that she reminded me that I do not love myself, and she was right, I haven’t been loving myself. And don't get me wrong, other people have pointed out that I haven't been loving myself. My best friends from back home recognized that. A few people I know from the area around Monmouth Oregon.

So as I am writing my prayer to her, I make a commitment to God saying that I’m tired of pain and suffering and heartbreaks, and I just want to be with God, I just want His love and His salvation! And I thank God for all the amazing things He has done with me and for the people He uses to speak to me on how amazing I am! Like my friends back home, my professors at Grad School, my friends at the Special Education Cohort, and in other places. Those people have had a strong impact in my life. 

I then turn on Christian Music on my phone, and I’m just praying and praying asking God to show up, and show me His presence and take me away, and next thing I know I feel this hand placed on my heart, and then another hand placed on my back, and I could hear someone speaking to me that everything is going to be okay, you are my child, I will never let you go. And every time I wanted to think back to the moments that made me sad, that voice said “no, no, don’t think that. Just stay with me. You are my child.” Later I see myself somewhere, not in my bed. But I’m walking in the dawn, and the sunrise is beautiful, and then I see this guy named Dan that I know, and he's driving by in this badass 4-wheeler, and he’s waving at me. Then later I see myself in this really big church, and the alter is just so glamorous. I could see my self-surrounded by hundreds of people, all reaching out with their hands praying over me! Not one of those hands touched me, but sooner or later, I felt someone’s hands placed on my shoulders, and I’m just taken aback. Later that church transforms into this beautiful massive monument up in the mountains, and I could breathe that fresh mountain air, and I could see beams of light shining through the halls of the building. Then later, I see myself at this small, but beautiful house in the mountains. I’m in the backyard, and there’s a garden, and the mountains are filled with pure green trees, and I’m just standing there lifting my arms into the air, cheering!

Then comes my Encounter with the Devil! Fight between good and evil! As I’m falling asleep and mumbling, I turn the music off. Sometime later I see myself in Hell! I have a feeling that was where I was at, because where I was at was just horrible! Absolutely horrible!! I was having a nightmare that I think the enemy planted on me because he was desperate to turn me away from God and make me hate my loved ones. I could see myself in apartments and houses, just like the ones I live in, but the atmosphere was just red. Almost everywhere around me was red. The girls that I was interested in the past where flying at me in magic carpets with their new boyfriends, and they were just laughing at me and showing off, and boasting. I tried so hard to run away and get away, but it the laughter and humiliation wouldn’t leave me alone. It was so horrible to be there. I don’t ever want to be in Hell! When I woke up, I was in tears, and I was beginning to feel so down on myself and at the point of giving up, but I remembered that commitment I am going to make. So I turned on my Christian music and started praying and crying out to God again.